Jennifer Garner as Miss Marple and The Mike's Mind is BLOWN

The title about says it all, but I have to reiterate how....weird, to start, this news is.  Total Film reported this morning that Jennifer Garner, the 38 going on 30 year old actress of Alias, Daredevil, and Juno fame will play Agatha Christie's famed Miss Marple in a new film adaptation by Disney. 

That might sound all well and good to some.  Except that Miss Marple is generally expected to look like THIS:

Now, I'm not gonna say Ms. Garner isn't a fetching sort of gal, and I'm not gonna say I own a copy of 13 Going on 30 due to her charms (that would be ridiculous, if it weren't true).  But I've held a fond affection for A) Christie mysteries and B) the series of Marple films that starred Margaret Rutherford for some time, and I don't see how this makes sense.

I know Disney wants to adapt the stories for a "younger audience", but it's not like little kids don't like old people.  Why wouldn't you cast a Judi Dench or a Helen Mirren or a Stephen Fry in drag?  It's not Miss Marple if it's Jennifer Garner, is it?

I don't know, but I'm throwing my fat bottom at the next James Dean biopic they make.  This gives even the worst casting ideas hope.  Just picture this as Jennifer Garner, then get back to me.

(BTW, that theme music rocks.)

Rebecca Black's Friday: Is it our downfall or our salvation?

I'm a dude.  I aspire to reek of beef and cheese, and occasionally get the unnecessary urge to kill something.  So, it's with much confusion that I present to you the newest cyber craze to hit us all....someone called Rebecca Black singing something called Friday.  You've been warned.

Reactions to this song, which has been played at least 26 million times on You Tube (LITERALLY), have ranged from "Worst. Song. Ever." to "Why is she getting up to catch the bus at 7:00? My bus comes at 7:00!" - but the one thing we can be sure of is that Rebecca Black is somehow now leading a Black Plague of some sort.

While I must say that the Worst Song Ever people are a little harsh (Sheryl Crow's Soak Up the Sun still holds that honor in a devastating sleeperhold), it kind of amazes me how....well...ridiculous this little song is.  Really ridiculous.  Even if it is fun fun fun fun fun fun.....  (And is she really 13?  Hell, none of us did anything that was seen 26 million times when we were 13, right?)

If nothing else, I gthink we should thank Rebecca Black for taking the spotlight from disasters like tsunamis, nuclear reactors, and Charlie Sheen.  Well done, RB...I guess.  

Has she infected your brain yet?

"Zombie Burger" Restaurant Opening...in Des Moines.

Bloody Disgusting is reporting, via the Des Moines Register (Seriously never thought I'd type THAT) that a new restaurant called "Zombie Burger + Drink Lab" will be birthed in the grand metropolis of Des Moines, Iowa.  What?  You've never been to Des Moines?  Oh man, you've never lived!  (Just kidding, it sucks.)

I'm sure the idea of a zombie themed restaurant has you salivating, unless you're like me and are ENTIRELY SICK OF THE STUPID ZOMBIE FAD.  (Romero did it right, Shaun and Zombieland spoofed it well, and the Italians made it gross yet awesome.  That's it.  No one else has made zombies appealing to me, there, I said it.)

Fear not, Squeamish Steves & Susans, because the people behind said restaurant are promising a) the "quintessential" American flat burger and b) that they'll "deliver on the food side, but not so much on the visuals of zombies".  In other words, it's a restaurant called Zombie Burger...without zombies.

You really want to ruin THIS with zombies?

I don't get it.  And I'm one of the eight Iowan horror fans - which would kind of be the place's target audience.  Will I check it out to see if they prove me wrong?  Of course.  But for now, I'm skeptical.

What say you, our loyal AustenBots?  Would YOU eat at Zombie Burger?

And the Spiderman Villain is......

 Lizard?!?!?!?

Actor C. Thomas Howell may have accidentally spilled the beans when he was discussing his minor role in the film.  Here is what he had to say:

"There is not a whole lot to talk about. Sony wants us to be hush-hush right now. I play a relatively small role. I play a construction worker who's son is caught in the middle of a battle between the Lizard and Spider-Man on the Manhattan bridge. Spider-Man helps me get my son back from this perilous situation. There is some payback there at the end of the movie. Spider-man is kind of hurting. I help him when all of the other people won't. Part of the story is, the nation thinks he might be a bad guy. They don't know what to think. Because of my experience on the bridge with my kid, I know he is a good guy. I pitch in and help out at the end. That is the best way."

I am not a huge follower of Spidey, but this does sound pretty neat!!! Any thoughts from our big Spiderman fans out there?!?

Trailer Alert-Larry Crowne

This film actually looks pretty cute!  I always enjoy Tom Hanks and will definitely check this out!

Happy Birthday, Kurt Russell!

For being the baddest actor of ever, I salute you.

Katie Perry Firework- A Capella Cover

This is pretty sweet!

In Movie News-American Reunion!

So in exciting movie news, it has been announced the cast of American Pie is coming back together for American Reunion!!  So far, Jason Biggs, Sean William Scott, and Eugene Levy have signed on.  It is being reported that the studio has been talking with Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid, Chris Klein, Mena Suvari, and Jennifer Coolidge.  I absolutely loved these movies back in the day!  They were great mindless fun!  Here is to hoping they can make a great sequel!

Top Ten 80's Cartoons for Geeks

Hey OPP homies,

Franklin D. Roosevelt, one of the most influential U. S. Presidents, once said: "Art is not a treasure in the past or an importation from another land, but part of the present life of all living and creating peoples." I'm pretty sure he was talking about 80's cartoons despite his death in 1945. As a tribute to the words of FDR, I offer you this genius list of 80's cartoons in order to keep the art of the past in my present life through reflection. Oh yea, Transformers are beyond #1, so they will be excluded (This isn't up for debate). Without further adieu, here is my list.


10. C.O.P.S. I loved this cartoon. I loved the fact that it took place in 2020 and followed sci-fi police officers as they fend off evil crime syndicates in "Empire City." The outfits in this show were straight-up trippy. Great toys too!!! These toys were the only action figure/cap gun that I have ever encountered.

9. The Centurions. I flippin loved this TV cartoon. Any futuristic sci-fi cartoon with the evil dude named Doctor Terror gets an A-Plus in my book. These toys were ridiculously cool. You could interchange attachments on their body armor. How cool is that??? Answer: H-Bomb cool.

8. Dino-Riders. First, you blow my mind with dinosaurs. Then, you add in cool futuristic attachments to harness the powers of the dinosaurs. You had me at Dino. Plus, I always found small lizards riding bigger lizards interesting. These toys were some of the coolest outside of transformers of course.

7. Duck Tales. Scrooge...you penny pinchin' coin vault swimming pimp. I want your top hat, cane, rimmed only glasses and shoe/sock combo thing you had going on. Huey, Dewey, and Louie were also legendary.

6. Ghostbusters. Come on...you all know Slimer ruled. He ruled even more than Scrooge, so this cartoon titan takes my 6th spot.

Now we are getting into the big dogs of 80's cartoons. This is going to be tough!!!


5. He-Man. "I have the power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh Prince Adam...I have no idea what protection your leather chest piece provided but you sure could ride the crap out of that battle tiger.

4. G.I. Joe. Though Megatron is the best villain ever, I'm pretty sure Cobra Commander is the second best. Skeletor and Mumm-ra were weak compared to your blue masked snake-like whispers of pending terrorism.

3. Voltron. Screw Mighty Morphin I copied Voltron Rangers. These cats (pun intended) formed the freaking defender of the Universe. The Megazords only protected earth (in the beginning anyway before it got all weird). Voltron was made up of 5 cats that were the equivalent of University of Michigan's fab 5 (yup, a Chris Webber/Jalen Rose reference was needed here).

2. This is a tough call. I'm going to say Thunder. THUNder...THUNDER!!!!! Yup, Thundercats takes the number 2 spot. Liono, Panthro, and Mumm-ra...Eagle Scouts should sing campfire songs of your greatness. Enough said.

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I loved this show. I would never miss a show. If my wife would let me, I would name my kids "Splinter" and "Casey Jones." I'm pretty sure these children would solve all world problems, but only if these names are allowed to occur. Remember...Donatello does machines (That's a fact Jack).



Honorable Mention: Rocklords, MASK, Silverhawks. These shows were not only awesome in story line and creativity, but really cool toys as well.

What is your top cartoon?


Narcosleepy Out

Super Mario Brothers 3: A Game Inspired by Freud?

There are certain events in our lives that we will always remember. First, we will remember where we were when 9/11 happened. Second, we will remember the first time we all witnessed Michael Myers rampage the poor villagers of Haddonfield, Illinois. For me, I vividly remember 1990. It was the year Super Mario Brothers 3 was released. I remember the first time I hit a floating metal question mark that kicked out a floating leaf. I ate that thing and turned into a raccoon that could fly with it's tail.

I loved this game growing up. It captured every bit of my attention, imagination, and took a high level of skill to complete. Most of all, I had so much fun playing it. Each world is so vivid and imaginative. It literally feels like I am in a dream. There are two worlds in particular that hold a special place in my heart. I remember my cousins and I bringing our vintage NES on vacation and having so much fun playing the water world (world 3). How amazing was it to turn into a frog, swim with your little frog legs out, but only to get eaten by a ginormous fish? The second world that is truly unforgettable is World 4. In this world, you are microsized and trying to traverse your way through a big world. What a visceral experience. How crazy was it to turn into a flying bear that could also shapeshift into a stone statue? Well, it was crazy awesome.



I was reflecting on this game the other day and I couldn't help but apply the works of Sigmund Freud to this game. The obvious freudian references are the plentiful sexual and death instinct references that are inherent in game play. First, eating a very phallic mushroom makes you bigger, stronger, and more resilient. One could argue that, sub-consciously, Mario has a centralized fixation on his junk. Through this fixation, his ego processes sexual experience as a way to gain power. Placing a larger amount of psychic energy into this function would also elevate social status, thus prompting limited disagreement with the social gatekeeper that is the superego with the conscious level ego functions. Moreover, the ID gains immediate gratification through rewards from killing creatures, gathering money, and sexual experiences (in Mario's case, these experience are not with a partner but independent). The in play behavior would demonstrate that self-gratification will elicit and improve on the long term goal of sexual relations with the princess, thereby improving personality and further development.

Second, the presence of death is very prominent in this game. Freud called this desire "Thanos" or the death instinct. In this game, there is little consequence for death. In fact, the user will attempt risky game play with little regards to the life and death of Mario/Luigi. As such, game play is designed to trigger our desire to sub-consciously think about death, thus driving an internal pleasure mechanism within our emotional processing/cognitive structures while not reducing our libido (psychic energy). Moreover, killing creatures and destroying objects earns the user rewards that ultimately increase the likelihood of sexual gratification with the princess. A common mistake is to refer to libido as sexual energy/stamina. However, libido actually refers to ones' psychic energy in balancing the Id, Ego, and Superego.


Finally, I couldn't help but notice a special item called a "P-Wing". This item, when consumed, allows you to fly through a level getting you closer and much more rapidly to your goal of sexual gratification with the princess. Here is the obvious, this P-Wing looks like a male phallic symbol and putting a "P" on it removes all doubt. Consuming the P-Wing also gives Mario a permanent "P" that is placed on his chest throughout the level. This could be synonymous with the "Scarlet Letter" thus creating a source of internal struggle between desire (ID) and the superego (our self in relation to larger society).


Some classic video games are truly amazing for so many reasons. Freud can be applied to anything and can never be proven wrong, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, just know that what we interact with can influence us in ways we may not understand. For me, Super Mario Brothers 3 was an experience in which I could interact with objects in a dream world. For you, well, maybe you just like two sexy Rex Manning (Empire Records reference) plumbers in green and red.

Narcosleepy out

Fallon does Sheen

Spot on!  Fallon is sooo great at doing impressions of people!  Love this!

Quotes from a Crazy

Oh Charlie Sheen....the entertainment you have provided us in the last week is absolutely epic!  Are you crazy?  Are you bi-polar?  Are you on drugs?  Are you all of the above?  We may never know, but one thing is for sure, you have provided us with some great quotes in the last week!  Here are a few of the gems from recent!

"I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big."
– Explaining why he wasn't planning on attending the Oscars, on Pat O'Brien's Loose Cannons radio show

"I have a disease? Bull–t. I cured it … with my mind."
– Rejecting his father Martin Sheen's statement that his son suffers from alcoholism to The Alex Jones Show

"There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
– Explaining why he's decided to be so outspoken

"I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen."
– Professing his sobriety to 20/20's Andrea Canning

"I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p–y!"
– Taking aim at the founding father

"I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction...the fiction of AA.  It's a silly book written by a broke-down fool."
-Explaining to The Today Show how he cured himself of addiction

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to.  You can't process me with a normal brain."
-Informing The Today Show of his desire to be his true self