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Friday, July 30, 2010

For the sports fans-Lou Holtz Spit Fest!!!

A Tribute to She-Hulk

Hottest Comic Character of All-Time? Yup.

Los Locos...aka The Crazies Movie of the Day

I've written about some pretty off the wall topics thus far in the new stages of this fine blog; but I think it is time to get to the core of my very being and write a review of a horror flick. Horror, to me, is like a good nights sleep. It's that feeling you get when you wake up in the morning, feel refreshed, do that morning stretch/itch, and feel like you can conquer the world. When I watch a horror flick, I end up feeling revitalized and pumped that if that situation happened in the real worldz...i can drop those mother truckin zombies with axes, katana blades/machettes, and double-barrel shotguns.

"The Crazies" begins in some podunk town in Iowa called Ogden Marsh (North of the exaggerated metropolis of Cedar Rapids). Timothy Olyphant plays the town sheriff, who is the likeable law enforcement officer everyone is crazy for...pun intended (a huge kudos for casting this pimpmaster flex). His wife, the weird looking chica from Silent Hill whose Aussie accent fades often(Radha Mitchell) plays the classic oh noes, I'm preggers and need to survive a zombie like infection doctor type.

The town gathers for a baseball game when the shennanigans begin. A local drunk stumbles onto a baseball field with a shotty...and Tim to the Olyphant steps in and pulls out a head shot. The town is in utter disarray after they witnessed this death, especially the local school principal. From this point, behaviors of the towns people start to become bizarre, impulsive, sadistic, and violent at a progressively worse rate. People complain of "not feeling right", only to soon become one of the crazies! The sheriff and his wife are left fighting for their lives in a town filled with zombie like (however, they are not undead so I emphasize the LIKE portion) goons.

This movie was a blast. I didn't have to think and I wasn't scared at any given point. However, I wouldn't call this movie great by any stretch of the imagination. This movie falls short of awesomeness on several traditional pitfalls of cliched horror flick mechanics. First, Timothy Olyphant and his preggers wife suffer from the Captain Planet syndrome. This syndrome is fairly common in action horror flicks in the 2000's. The Captain Planet syndrome involves two heroins. The main hero can survive for some time on his/her own, but with the powers of survival granted by love for another, they become pimptastic zombie/crazy killers. Because of the relationship lovelike powers combined...they can indeed fight off pollution, which ironically is similar to the plot of this film.

The second major cliche of action horror flicks these days involving zombies is "The Virus". This is a classic strategy in horror flicks to get you to identify with a human character before they convert to a zombie, crazy, sick person, rager, etc. In this film, the sheriff's deputy is the virus. Usually this role is characterized by a imminent understanding that you will cash out soon, and you might as well sacrifice yourself for the greater good. This film is not above using "The Virus".

A final cliched pitfall is the classic "it's the governments' fault." This one is complicated much like any argument in a relationship. The level of government blame depends on several things. Is it the governments' fault for the zombie/crazies? Has the government taken blame for being the cause? Have they done anything to help the people infected? Have they only focused on quarantine and lied to people? I can say, this movie gives the government a big middle finger. It is actually comical at points.

Some final criticisms of this film involve Iowa's grand misinterpretation in the media. This film did get the small town Iowa feel down pretty pat. That is, one main street and nothing else. People actually going to local baseball games as a community event. In this film, Iowa has swamp like Louisiana marshes. I can say that is bull. Iowa has like 2 hills and no swamps. So...whoops on that one "The Crazies". Don't be like Star Trek and put a GIANT GRAND CANYON like drop off in your Iowa scenes in the straight to DVD sequel that will inevitably occur. Finally, THERE ARE NO SKYSKRAPERS in that grand Cedar Rapids shot you pulled out at the end...LIES!!!!!!!!!! In summary, I give this movie a B- only for shear entertainment value and the fact I had a blast watching it with The Mike.

Narcosleepy out

Morning Music: I Saw Red

Nothing says Friday like a little WARRANT!

Artist: Warrant
Album: Cherry Pie

(Unrelated: This song always makes me think of an early scene in the Brian De Palma film Body Double, which I was not ready to see at age 12. But hey, when the 'rents keep it with the other VHS tapes....)

Quote of the Day

I love California. I grew up in Phoenix.
-Dan Quayle