Friday, October 29, 2010
Life, my friends, is a journey for us not to understand. It is a series of random events, and we make it through each day not knowing what tomorrow will bring. However, on this planet, there is a certainty that is pissing me off. Every year, Reese's Peanut butter cups get smaller and smaller. I used to be able to count on a cup that will quench my chocolate craving. Now, my sacred cup has shrunk to the size of a testicle. They say the only certainty in life is death and taxes. Well, like an old man's boner with Erectile Dysfunction, Reese's Peanut butter cups are shrinking to a flaccid poof. Like Sodom and Gomorrah, I'm going to rain fire up in this motha.
Halloween is a time of joyous decadence and a menagerie of masquerades. However, F*$K YOU REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS. You place this term on your cups: "Fun Size." There is nothing fun about your size. It is a piss me off size. You take a bite, and half of it is gone. You take another bite...and you are left feeling empty, lonely, and depressed. You lick the black paper thing the cup comes in to try to get more, but this lickage is met with failure. Like a heroin addict boiling old spoons, I scrape and lick in anguish for more of your chocolate peanut buttery high. I once loved you Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, but your CD (Cuptile Dysfunction) has me searching for new candies. We had a good run.
I bid you farewell Douche Cups.
The Director: Alfred Hitchcock
The Cast: Anthony Perkins, Vera Miles, Janet Leigh
Release Date: August 25, 1960
There are few movies that stand alone like Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho does. Though it's seen as the grandfather of the slasher genre, you'd never mistake it for Friday the 13th or Happy Birthday to Me. You could also say it belongs with serial killer films like The Silence of the Lambs or The Hitcher, but that doesn't quite fit either.
But it doesn't matter what else is out there, because Psycho offers a completely unique experience in horror. A lot of that is due to Anthony Perkins' performance as Norman Bates, which is as good as any performance in any movie. But the film's plot, featuring that famous mid-film shift in perception, and the masterful eye of Alfred Hitchcock, also stand out. This shouldn't be news to anyone who's ever read anything about Psycho, and there's not much new to say about the film 50 years later.
Except that you'll never seen anything like it.