"I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big."
– Explaining why he wasn't planning on attending the Oscars, on Pat O'Brien's Loose Cannons radio show
"I have a disease? Bull–t. I cured it … with my mind."
– Rejecting his father Martin Sheen's statement that his son suffers from alcoholism to The Alex Jones Show
"There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
– Explaining why he's decided to be so outspoken
"I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen."
– Professing his sobriety to 20/20's Andrea Canning
"I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p–y!"
– Taking aim at the founding father
"I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction...the fiction of AA. It's a silly book written by a broke-down fool."
-Explaining to The Today Show how he cured himself of addiction
"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."
-Informing The Today Show of his desire to be his true self
