October Horror Movie of the Day #30 - Arsenic and Old Lace

The Film: Arsenic and Old Lace
The Director: Frank Capra
The Cast: Cary Grant, Priscilla Lane, Raymond Massey
Release Date: September 23, 1944

OK, this isn't a horror movie.  You got me.  But it's set on Halloween, and it's one of my favorite movies ever.  It talks about Karloff a lot and features murders, mad doctors, plague victims, and dead bodies in window seats.  And it's hilarious.  So you should watch it, even if it's not a horror movie.

I mean, if Teddy can't make you laugh, check your pulse.

Fun size this: Up yours Reese's

Life, my friends, is a journey for us not to understand. It is a series of random events, and we make it through each day not knowing what tomorrow will bring. However, on this planet, there is a certainty that is pissing me off. Every year, Reese's Peanut butter cups get smaller and smaller. I used to be able to count on a cup that will quench my chocolate craving. Now, my sacred cup has shrunk to the size of a testicle. They say the only certainty in life is death and taxes. Well, like an old man's boner with Erectile Dysfunction, Reese's Peanut butter cups are shrinking to a flaccid poof. Like Sodom and Gomorrah, I'm going to rain fire up in this motha.

Halloween is a time of joyous decadence and a menagerie of masquerades. However, F*$K YOU REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS. You place this term on your cups: "Fun Size." There is nothing fun about your size. It is a piss me off size. You take a bite, and half of it is gone. You take another bite...and you are left feeling empty, lonely, and depressed. You lick the black paper thing the cup comes in to try to get more, but this lickage is met with failure. Like a heroin addict boiling old spoons, I scrape and lick in anguish for more of your chocolate peanut buttery high. I once loved you Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, but your CD (Cuptile Dysfunction) has me searching for new candies. We had a good run.

I bid you farewell Douche Cups.




Narcosleepy

October Horror Movie of the Day #29 - Psycho

 

The Film: Psycho
The Director: Alfred Hitchcock
The Cast: Anthony Perkins, Vera Miles, Janet Leigh
Release Date: August 25, 1960

There are few movies that stand alone like Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho does.  Though it's seen as the grandfather of the slasher genre, you'd never mistake it for Friday the 13th or Happy Birthday to Me.   You could also say it belongs with serial killer films like The Silence of the Lambs or The Hitcher, but that doesn't quite fit either.

But it doesn't matter what else is out there, because Psycho offers a completely unique experience in horror.  A lot of that is due to Anthony Perkins' performance as Norman Bates, which is as good as any performance in any movie.  But the film's plot, featuring that famous mid-film shift in perception, and the masterful eye of Alfred Hitchcock, also stand out.  This shouldn't be news to anyone who's ever read anything about Psycho, and there's not much new to say about the film 50 years later. 

Except that you'll never seen anything like it.

Chaplin's Time Traveler!!!! Must Watch!!! Crazy!!

October Horror Movie of the Day #28 - Gremlins

The Film: Gremlins
The Director: Joe Dante
The Cast: Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Judge Reinhold, Dick Miller
Release Date: June 8, 1984

People don't like to admit it, but Gremlins is 100% a horror movie.  Seriously, it's about crazy little monsters that terrorize a town.  Yes, I know Steven Spielberg's name is on it and you loved it as a kid.  And yes, Gizmo is THE cutest thing to ever be put on film that wasn't named Elisabeth Shue.  But that's not the point.  It's a horror movie.

And maybe it's a little bit more of a Christmas horror movie than an October horror movie, but that's OK.  You can start thinking ahead this time of year, because in a few weeks your Grandma's going to want a Christmas list anyway.  And if you're not into Christmas, just watch the scene in which Phoebe Cates gives a darkly hilarious monologue about her worst Christmas.  And laugh at the scene where the Gremlin uses a puppet and goes "beepu beepu beppo" and stuff.  It's hilarious.

But it's still a horror movie.

October Horror Movie of the Day #27 - Suspiria

The Film: Suspiria
The Director: Dario Argento
The Cast: Jessica Harper, Udo Kier, Joan Bennett
Release Date: August 12, 1977


Recently, a blog I loved asked horror fans to give a list of their 20 favorite horror movies, thankfully in no particular order.  When I compiled my list, using many tactical measures, I could not, for the life of me, get under 21 movies.  Obviously, 21 > 20, so I had to cut something from the list and, in the heat of the moment when I started thinking that tons of people would pick it and I wanted to get one of my less known favorites on the list, I cut Suspiria from the list.  I'm not proud of it, but it happened.


The thing is, it's easy to underestimate Dario Argento's masterpiece, which is one of the most beautiful nightmares ever filmed, because the plot is just so darn odd.  But that's not the point.  On a visceral level, I can think of only a select few horror films that are as gripping as Suspiria.  Definitely not 20.  I shame me.


My point, I guess, is that you should see Suspiria.  It's awesome.  (And, if you want to see what that list of 20 looked like, you should check out my friendly blog on Halloween!)

Lebron James asks "What Should I Do?", and promptly drops The Corporate Elbow on Sports Fans

Growing up, I was a big fan of what is known as professional wrestling and what was known as the WWF.  OK, so maybe I still check it out on occasion when I'm flipping channels on a Monday night.  Don't judge me, because that's not the point.

The point is Lebron James' latest Nike ad, in which he asks all of us what he should do with his life.  Maybe he doesn't have the charisma of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (then again, who the heck does?), but Lebron has just cut himself one darn good heel promo.  I almost want to like where the guy's coming from, because it seems he put some heart into this one, even if he is blaming everyone else for where his image is at.

Of course, just like professional wrestling, there are always writers, and Nike stands to gain just as much (if not more) from this spiel as Lebron does.  But with the NBA season underway again, it's at least a nice attention grabber to check out.  And you can do so here:

RIP: Paul the Psychic Octopus

Editorial Note from The Mike:
This is exactly what's wrong with society.  We had a goddamn psychic octopus, and all we used him for was stupid SOCCER. 

Shame on you, humanity.  SHAME.

With Love,
TM

October Horror Movie of the Day #26 - Creepshow

The Film: Creepshow

The Director: George A. Romero

The Cast: Hal Holbrook, Adrienne Barbeau, Leslie Nielsen

Release Date: November 12, 1982

Perhaps the greatest horror anthology ever made, the combination of Stephen King and George Romero has a ton of fun with this one.  The stories told vary from a jealous tale of adultery featuring Ted Danson and Leslie Nielsen to a case of alien plant life attacking a farmer to a dangerous crate and a professor who is sick of his demanding wife.  Oh, and there's plenty of cake, too.

For me, the film peaks with the fourth segment, The Crate, in which Hal Holbrook and Fritz Weaver deal with a giant monster.  It's hairy and got teeth and claws, and is played by Adrienne Barbeau.  (Oh, also there's a beast in a crate, too.)  Also, King's turn as plant loving Jordy Verrill is a lot of laughs, and Ed Harris' dance moves should make you a little too excited.  I say it's one of the best "comic book" movies ever, and you should see it!

In Book News.....Here's the Situation

Next week you will all be thrilled to know that Jersey Shores Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is releasing his first book titled Here's the Situation.  Here are a few excerpts from this literary masterpiece:

"The best sex is often with a grenade — because she's so grateful."

"Chicks do dig guys with shaved legs . . . maybe they're into the Michael Phelps look."

"Before any chick gets into my bed I make her slide into a 200-degree Jacuzzi to sterilize any microbial bacteria that might endanger my health."

If this advice is not enough, Mike also graciously provides a prayer he says:

"God grant me the stamina to satisfy hot chicks, the courage to deny grenades, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I know I can't wait to run to the store to get my copy of the book (not!).  This book is just another example of how sad the world is becoming!

Music of the Day-Willow Smith

Here is the video of 9 year old Willow Smith (daughter of Will Smith) singing her song Whip My Hair that has apparently taken the world by storm (and I am not sure why)!

October Horror Movie of the Day #25 - Frozen

The Film: Frozen

The Director: Adam Green

The Cast: Kevin Zegers, Shawn Ashmore, Emma Bell

Release Date: March 25, 2010

I went in to this movie thinking it was going to be a snowy on land version of Open Water, a movie I was not so much a fan of.   I was pleasantly surprised about how much I actually enjoyed this film and how much it made me think.    It was refreshing to have a horror film with no bad guy(s).  It was simply an intense story of man vs. nature.

The film takes place at Mount Holliston, where three young skiers (played by Emma Bell, Shawn Ashmore, and Kevin Zegers) don’t have enough money for ski lift tickets, so they bribe the attendant for reduced price tickets.  At the end of night they beg this same attendant for one last run down the mountain.  As they are going up the ski-lift the attendant has to step away.  With the replacement not knowing the skiers are on the lift, he shuts it down.  Not only was it shut down for the night, but would not be open until the following weekend.  With blizzard like conditions, freezing temps, no food or water, and hungry wolves below, the skiers find themselves having to make life or death decisions.  Do they freeze to death or try to get down from the ski lift?

  

It made me really think of what I would do if I was stuck in a ski lift.  Would I jump or stay put?  Being a situation that could potentially happen to someone in real-life really put the scare in me (minus the wolves…that was a little unrealistic)!  This is a movie I would say is definitely worth a view!

October Horror Movie of the Day #24 - Pumpkinhead

The Film: Pumpkinhead
The Director: Stan Winston
The Cast: Lance Henriksen (!)
Release Date: January 13, 1989

I'm still not sure I really like Pumpkinhead as a movie.  I've grown to appreciate it over the years, but the execution seems a little sloppy at times.  I mostly attribute this to the fact that Stan Winston - the most skilled effects man to ever walk the face of the Earth - was directing for the first time, and the fact that the script doesn't give the film much help.

What I am absolutely sure of is that I am madly in love with the monster that Winston created here.  Pumpkinhead, the demon, has always given me chills.  The man created the Alien, the Terminator, Jurassic Park's gorram dinosaurs, and almost every great effect you saw in the '80s and '90s.  But I have no problem calling the Pumpkinhead monster one of his greatest creations.  Despite the cast (except for the amazing Lance Henriksen, of course) and script, the creature and some great lighting make this an occasionally terrifying tale of demonic revenge.

Book Review - Dr. Dale's Zombie Dictionary: The A-Z Guide to Staying Alive

(2010, Written by Dr. Dale Seslick)

I'm a little tired of waiting for the zombie apocalypse.  It's been more than 40 years since George Romero promised it, and all we've gotten out of it are some incredible films and books surrounded by a lot of really crummy knock-offs.  In the last decade, particularly, zombies have been all over cinema screens.  For every Shaun of the Dead or Dawn of the Dead remake, there seem to be 7 awful indie zombie flicks out there too.  They're even invading our TV sets, thanks to the upcoming The Walking Dead series on AMC.

I must admit that, under these circumstances, I'm also awfully tired of hearing about the "inevitable" zombie apocalypse.  I can't take zombies seriously right now, because there are too many of them out there, and some of them can now randomly run or jump or spit or teleport.  (That last one's on you, Lucio!)

So when the fellow behind this book - Dr. Dale's Zombie Dictionary - got in touch with me about a review, my instant mental reaction was to wonder if we really need more zombies.  I mean, if you've seen a handful of the myriad of z-films (or read any zombie literature), you probably have a pretty good understanding of them by now.  What more is there to offer?  Can a Zombie Dictionary released in 2010 really sustain itself and not become a one-note joke you've already heard?

I'm happy to say that yes, it can.  Because Dr. Dale's Zombie Dictionary is a very, very fun read.

It seems to me that Dr. Dale - if that is his real name - has a pretty good understanding of how saturated the zombie market is right now.  He arms himself with this knowledge, and parlays it into an understanding that most people that would be interested in this type of book already know the basics.  With this in mind, he focuses on things you might not have considered about the zombie apocalypse, and keeps things light.

For example, I've certainly never considered how the Utilitarian Furniture Mart known as IKEA might play in to the zombie apocalypse.  Dr. Dale has.  I've never given much consideration to how pixies or "Spiderman Zombies" might or might not come into play, but he has.  Dr. Dale covers a  lot of things that I have occasionally considered, but gave me new info on them, too. For example, whether or not I'd wear a helmet whilst fighting zombies has crossed my mind, but Dr. Dale's reasoning about helmets took my breath away.

I was mostly laughing while losing that breath, but that's the charm of the book.  It makes sense along with zombie lore (making sure to reiterate the fact that running zombies don't exist), but has a lot of fun with how to deal with the undead.  In a time when George Romero is up to SIX Dead flicks, we need to maintain a bit of comedy about the topic to keep it fresh.  He also peppers in some hilarious analogies using pop culture.  Some of it is very British humor, and I may have been a little to yankee to get all the gags entirely, particularly when he talks about London's road planning.  It's also worth noting that the book is very up to date, referencing last fall's Zombieland and plenty of recent pop culture names.

Dr. Dale's trying pretty hard to give us a lot of entertaining information here, and some of the topics in the 300+ page text do fall flat.  But the book still provides a lot of laughs, and there are plenty of truly interesting ideas inside the book too, including how Freud's idea of the Id might come into play.  Maybe it won't invade your psyche too deeply but, if nothing else, the book will come in handy to lighten the mood while you're dealing with zombies.  If you're reading this blog, you probably have a decent understanding of what you need to do when there's no more room in Hell.  But Dr. Dale has most certainly considered some things you haven't and his method of sharing them works well.  I highly recommend it.

If you want more info about the book, check out the official website here.  And, if you like, you can pick up your own copy at Amazon.

Iowa State vs Texas: And this is why I am a Cyclone Fan!!

October Horror Movie of the Day #23 - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

The Film: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
The Director: Tobe Hooper
The Cast: Marilyn Burns, Jim Siedow, Gunnar Hansen
Release Date: October 1, 1974

Look, there are about a billion reasons I could pick The Texas Chain Saw Massacre here.  I've already covered most of them over at my blog.

But really, I picked this movie for today because a massacre is exactly what happened when Iowa State's football team took out Texas today.  BOO-YAH!

October Horror Movie of the Day #22 - The Pit

The Film: The Pit

The Director: Lew Lehman

The Cast: Sammy Snyders, Jeannie Elias, Sonja Smits

Release Date: October 23, 1981

This has to be the most fun '80s horror film I've found in a long time.  One look at that poster should sum up everything that's awesome about it but, in case you can't tell (or in case you're blind, in which case I hope you're reading this in braille) allow me to point out that the poster promises a) a pit; b) an evil teddy bear; c) a potentially evil awkward blonde kid; d) underground creatures of some sort; e) ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Really though, I enjoyed the heck out of this film.  Young Sammy Snyders is fantastically odd and creepy in the lead, and his relationships with the underground "tra-logs" and his college age babysitter with the cute '80s hair and eyes are well worth following.  Plus it's all filmed in lovely Beaver Dam, Wisconsin - which I have no ties to other than being a Packers fan - which makes the setting seem adequately midwestern.  The Pit is truly a film I'm glad I uncovered, and I can't wait to see it again.

Oh, and THIS HAPPENS.  I know, it's a giant freaking spoiler, but if THIS can't get your blood boiling, check your pulse!

October Horror Movie of the Day #21 - The Silent Scream

The Film: The Silent Scream

The Director: Denny Harris

The Cast: Rebecca Balding, Cameron Mitchell, Barbara Steele

Release Date: July 31, 1987.

A surprisingly minimalist horror film that borders on slasher territory, focusing on some young people who rent rooms in a big house with some weird inhabitants.  Most notably, horror icon Barbara Steele is the angry lady in the attic.

I'm admittedly a bigger fan of making fun of early '80s slashers than I am of the films themselves, but Silent Scream really struck a chord with me.  Survivor girl Rebecca Balding does a fine job in a poorly written role, and the family that owns the house are perfectly played.  I couldn't help noticing that the male lead looked a lot like Michael Bay, but that's OK.  A hidden gem that I'm glad I found.

October Horror Movie of the Day #20 - The Sentinel

The Film: The Sentinel

The Director: Michael Winner

The Cast: Cristina Raines, Chris Sarandon, Burgess Meredith

Release Date: May 12, 1977.

 

Did you ever see that movie The Sentinel? That's the question asked by Corey Feldman in Joe Dante's 1989 classic The 'burbs, and it's the question that made me seek out this fine piece of '70s religion-horror.  I was far too young to see this when I did - I had no understanding of what Beverly D'Angelo was doing to her leotard (HINT- it rhymes with smashetershmation) - but some of the chills that come from it have always stuck with me.

In short, the movie focuses on a young NYC model (Cristina Raines) who takes an apartment in a building with a lot of odd old folks, and strange stuff starts happening.  The supporting cast is a who's who of cool names (Burgess Meredith, Martin Balsam, John Carradine, Jose Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy, Ava Gardner, Eli Wallach, Christopher Walken, Tom Berenger, Jerry Orbach, Jeff Goldblum, and an uncredited Richard Dreyfuss), and Fright Night and The Princess Bride star Chris Sarandon adds a fun performance.  If you're looking for a totally creepy, unsettling religious horror (besides the Unholy Trilogy of Rosemary/Exorcist/Omen), The Sentinel should give you some goosebumps.

October Horror Movie of the Month #19 - Fright Night

The Film: Fright Night

The Director: Tom Holland

The Cast: William Ragsdale, Roddy McDowell, Chris Sarandon.

Release Date: August 2, 1985.

 

Last time out I mentioned that The Lost Boys - despite its oily, saxophony, goodness - was not my favorite vampire film of the '80s.  That title must belong to the ridiculously awesome flick that is Fright Night. 

Fright Night is the story of young Charley Brewster, a teen who enjoys trying to snog the future Marcy Darcy, hanging out with a dude named Evil Ed, and watching former horror star Peter Vincent host horror flicks on a TV show called Fright Night.  Charley also has some voyeuristic tendencies, and as he spies his new neighbor with a beautiful young woman one night...he begins to think said neighbor is a vampire. 

The key to Fright Night - which plays a little like the teenage horror version of Rear Window - is Roddy McDowell as Vincent.  He hams it up beautifully as the Peter Cushing-esque hero who doesn't really believe what's going on in the real world.  Like Targets, which I mentioned earlier this month, this is a film that looks at the differences between the Gothic horror world we used to know and the changes in society during the latter part of the 20th Century.  It's a fun horror flick with a lot of comedy, and I recommend it to anyone.